Not Good News!

The nurse called late yesterday and told us that Luke's test results were back and the numbers from the test were worse than last year. Basically, to simplify the meaning of the test, they were looking at how his pancreas responded to large amounts of glucose and sadly, his pancreas did not do well. Which means he will become a diabetic. That was not what we were wanting or praying for.

She started referring to him as a diabetic and not as pre diabetic anymore and that really upset me. HE IS NOT A DIABETIC UNTIL HE IS ENDURING ALL THAT EMILY DOES!!!!! It is hard to be hopeful at this point that he is not going to be a diabetic, but I know that God can change any of this. I am very bitter, angry, and sad. It really irritates me when people have told me over the course of the last two days that you all are going to be fine. That it is going to be easier this time around because you will already know what you are doing because you have already done it before with Emily. Yes, we will be fine, but NO, it does not make it easier. Why would it be? Yes, we will take care of Luke and do everything we have done with Emily for him. But it is because we have done it before with Emily, that makes it so much harder knowing everything that Luke is going to have to face. Plus, Luke has seen all what Emily does and know how bad it can be.

Why should both of our children have to have this horrid, life changing disease? We try to not let it manipulate our lives, but diabetes controls everything. There is not a minute, day or night, that you can let your guard down. There has been some peace knowing that for right now that Luke is ok, but hard to hear that time is passing quickly. They have told us to expect that Luke will probably develop diabetes just like when Emily did. Which means he WILL be a diabetic within the next year, after he turns six. It just breaks my heart.

The nurse told us that the doctor wants to meet with us to talk about Luke and the test results. So, we will go back to Temple once again next Friday to meet with him. I got really upset when she said he wanted to meet with us because I immediately thought that he was going to start Luke on inuslin. But the nurse said he did not mention anything like that. But if I remember correctly, they have told us that they could start him on insulin before his pancreas completely quits. I just hope they will not recommend that just yet. Please let him get a little older. He is just about to start kindergarten and is so excited about that. I just don't want that excitement to be spoiled and taken away because of diabetes.

We did tell Luke about the results. Poor little one! He noticed how upset I was and asked what was wrong with my eyes. We decided we were going to be honest with him. I told him we got the results back from the test we did the other day and that his body is going to be like Emily's one day and that we will eventually have to do with him what we do with Emily. He immediately started crying so hard. When Jeff got home he picked Luke up and gave him a big hug. Luke looked at Jeff and said, " I am scared Daddy". It just broke my heart! We assured him that God would take could care of him and he is not alone in this. We will be with him and that God is always with him and that HE has some plan as to why he has choosen you to have this disease. We are praying that the day Luke will need insulin will be many years from now. Please, God, let him be a little older. Please, God, please find a cure for diabetes!